Friday, October 15, 2010

Bashing into Walls

I am clumsy. At least, that's how I've always thought of myself. And the big, swollen green bruise on my knee from smashing into a bench last week (at precisely the spot that swells up if I run and causes all the knee trouble, conveniently enough) would seem to bear that out.

Yet, I'm not completely convinced that "clumsy" is the right term for me. More accurate, really, is that I seem to have a surprising disregard for my physical integrity in a very specific way - i.e. I don't mind smashing into a ball/player etc. I've never been one of those who really ducks out of the way when a ball comes overhead - more likely, I'll charge into it. I think that explains the random weird bruises* I get rather than sheer clumsiness, because I don't drop things, really, or exhibit that kind of malcoordination.

I have been, however, historically very... well, I suppose "stompy" is the only way I can describe it. One thing that physical therapy has given me is actually far greater body control than I previously thought I had - my therapist has remarked several times on the more precise and graceful way in which I do some of my exercises these days, rather than clumping around. I'm not sure if that has translated into generally transporting myself around more gracefully, but I think the greater muscle development and control has given me a better sense of self. When I'm doing those exercises I can't help wondering whether having studied dance as a child would have made me feel more like that. Instead, I was a sporty child who was both big for her age (I stopped growing upward, at least, more or less, at 13) who cannoned around and relied on her body for being sporty but was not ever athletic, or precise, or graceful. I still occasionally think of myself as that lumbering, large child, but physical therapy is helping to change that.

* My gp was not desperately impressed with this explanation - I'm slightly concerned she believes that TOH is knocking me about, but you can't really explain it, can you, without sounding more and more like you're making up excuses. oops.

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