Monday, June 20, 2011


This weekend we went to our first wedding post-having-had-one-ourselves. It was lovely - the couple was extremely happy, glowing, and clearly had a good time, which is what you'd want.

My one slight smear on the occasion was confronting one of the things that made me so recalcitrant about marriage in the first place. I was busy looking for a namecard with two names - mine and TOH's - when I discovered that, to be blunt, I no longer had a name. Our card was the equivalent of, for example, Emma Thompson being Mrs. Kenneth Branagh. My first name was his; I basically did not exist without him.

I was genuinely quite shocked at it, and also at how strongly I reacted to it. I was not a happy bunny. And the thing is, it won't be the last time something like this happens, and I have to work out a strategy to deal with it in a way that is constructive, and perhaps as an opportunity to point out to someone that this is not ok, and why (although, of course, not immediately in the middle of the wedding. that might be a bit tacky). But again today I got an invitation as Mrs. TOH, and I felt annoyed, and defensive about pointing out that this is not my name. I don't think it's particularly strident to be firm about this, but I am already weary of something that will, sadly, probably happen fairly often for the rest of my life.

TOH and I made a choice to get married, and we talked long and hard and frequently about why it was a difficult choice for me, in particular. I am grateful for that being a choice, of course (talks not going anywhere in Albany on NY's bill, and crap like this doesn't help). So grumble grumble, but hopefully something significant will happen in NY this week that will overshadow my grievances and make many people happy and legally secure in their relationships. That would be wonderful.

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