Bugger

Last two yorkshire teabags used this morning. No chance of those for ANOTHER MONTH.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhhh.

Note the way my posts move from the earnest and intellectually probing (for me, at least - bear with me folks, low standards here) to this. I'm a chameleon, me.

Closure

I have just finished writing up my Malawi interview notes. It was very strange reading all these things that I had scribbled furiously, particularly as I wrote down so many truly irrelevant details. Nonetheless, it was somewhat soothing to write it down, and remember the amazing people I met and their stories.

What I found particularly interesting was, from the interviews, finding out who really stuck in my head, and who were faceless. Because despite the horrors of many of their situations, not every woman I interviewed left a strong imprint in my memory; I feel great guilt for that, but find it intriguing, nonetheless. And then there are some whose laughter stays with me - as we joked over the fact that she carried condoms in every available pocket, or about how chubby they'd got on ARVs.

In fact, one of the overwhelming memories I have of Malawi is laughter. People are basically incredible, in the depths of adversity they have the strength to laugh and joke. I loved that, and many of the women I really remember are those with whom I really laughed, deep gut-wrenching, belly laughs. There are a couple of genuine horror stories, which I cannot really share in this forum. But there are real moments of joy. Maybe that means I am not the best interviewer, that I don't get the best information out of people. Deposition training this week for my job sort of proved that. I do, however have more of a gift for connecting with people than I thought. And that's another reason why this trip was phenomenally important to me.

From left to right, Livas and Jennifer, who I interviewed, and Doreen, translator extraordinaire.

** A DISCLAIMER ** This is NOT, I repeat, NOT one of those horrendously patronising "oh my God, Africans know how to laugh" things, despite not having enough to eat. Of course they do. What my point is, that I'm not sure came across, is that I was there to find out how they had been affected by HIV, the violence in their lives, their husbands' infidelity and other wives. I wasn't expecting them to laugh with me. Further, the other interviewers and interviewees were not laughing as much... it was something about our particular interactions that brought laughter where others didn't. And that I find interesting.

G-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-reat!

One of the things I find astounding about football is that no matter how poor or tiny the settlement, a village will clear space for a pitch. So through mud-spattered glass on our bus, as we wended our way north in Brazil, you could see the muddy pitch and the clearing with dirty white goalposts. Costa Rica was the same - Sunday in Puerto Viejo, people made the effort to head out to watch the Sunday league, which they chose to do despite the beautiful beaches and snorkelling they could have visited instead. Malawi was the same. Any clear space in a village or small town was always the football pitch - you knew it before you even saw the white of the posts.

Not once did I see women playing. Not that they don't, per se, but I saw none. They do so much physical work in Malawi that I really would be surprised if they had the energy, or perhaps more likely, time for themselves is such a scarcity that it is treasured, and not to be expended on running around like idiots. I'd thought about bringing a ball with me, but thought it was perhaps too big and not necessarily appropriate. But I really, really wish I had.

This is because I'm all about women playing sport. It makes you feel powerful and positive. You begin to view your body as a tool, and consider how it works and feels, rather than how it looks. Which is not something that I think many women really get to experience outside of sport. In the gym, I only really think running or perhaps a martial art can have the same effect. This has all been spawned by the 7-a-side tournament we played today, where my team won our group but sadly lost in the semi-finals, to a great team, despite us really having the better chances - they had one good player who did two good things - scored twice. The women on our team and others were happy, confident, and it was fun. And, as the worst team in the league, we caused a few surprises, a true underdog story. No, really.

I Know It When I See It

The last few weeks continue in the theme of Gonzales v. Carhart, in that the Supreme Court is pouring out depressing 5-4 decisions that feature the five right wingers of Gonzales overcoming, and failing to persuade, the four liberals. Such beauties include Ledbetter, which somehow came to the conclusion that if you do not file within six months of your discrimination, even if you do not know you're being discriminated against, you have no case. Or today's ruling that enables the prosecuting attorneys to easily remove people who have a problem with the death penalty, or, indeed, on the basis of race. Kennedy has simply proved himself to be no friend of women, or the vulnerable, whatsoever. Good to see that Christian conscience and concern for the meek / humble coming through there.

Anyway, given the genuine horrors of the Supreme Court right now, it's time to look elsewhere. And in that vein, there was an interesting ruling in a Circuit Court* today. The Second Circuit--which covers New York, Connecticut and Vermont--ruled that so-called "fleeting expletives" do not trigger a mandatory fine from the FCC - if the government uses the same language. Which is a good thing, sort of. Fleeting expletives are something that Studio 60 was preaching about earlier in the season--heavy handedly, obviously, but valid intention. However, I worry that this relies on the foul mouths of the government being heard... anyway, this is something I really do believe is important: Bad language will not do people damage. Why not instead look at crap like The Next Search for a Pussycat Doll or, indeed, the content of most of MTV, and think about the awful messages sent out about women and their bodies and what is important about them?

Not that I am suggesting the CW11 gets fined for that boswellox, but if we're talking about the role of television in society, and whether it should shape or reflect our culture, if shaping is important then we should really be investing in decent, clever television that is nowhere near as degrading as not just the CW11, but all those godawful, stupid sitcoms where there is a slob of a guy with an amazing looking woman but they are VAPID and all the woman possibly could want is to be married at home with kids. Yes, Patricia Heaton, I'm talking to you.

* Quick brief for non-law school types: from lowest to highest it goes District (where the trial takes place), then Circuit (the Courts of Appeal) and then Supreme Court).

Dizzy

I am very, very, very tired. Very tired indeed.

I haven't even begun to process the experiences from the last fortnight. I thought I'd have a huge culture shock being back here but, in fact, the forty hour journey (thanks to missing our connection in London yesterday) helped to distance me from what was an extraordinary time. There's just too much to think about. So while I mull, why don't you look at a couple of photos to pass the time?