Finding Routine

With a very small baby, there isn't really a routine one can follow; one of the best pieces of advice we got when we had the first one was that "everything is a phase." And it's true--each time you think you're on top of things, the baby develops, changes, and you need to learn anew what works for you as a unit. And that rings even truer when you already have a headstrong and stubborn wonderful little person whose life has been twisted upside down, quite deliberately on your part but with no say from them at all.

Nonetheless, this time round knowing the whole "phase" thing really does feel very different. A second child truly can be an excellent demonstration of the difference between intellectual knowledge and experience of a thing. Luckily for me, this has resulted in a calmer (for me) and relaxed state of being. This time I'm trying to take advantage of that experience to think about how I want to spend my down time--those brief pauses between feeding and snoozing and naps and changes of nappies--without giving into the need to feel bad about not being "productive."* %%

So, in that spirit - trying to enjoy the luxurious time I have right now and revel in it without succumbing to pressure to do everything and fix everything, here is what I am trying to do:

• Reduce the pile of old New Yorkers. Yes, like every lefty pseudo-intellectual household in New York City, we subscribe to the New Yorker. And, like almost every household, we do not get through them at the rate that they are produced. I miss Tilly Minute and the filtering of articles desperately, and my consumption has suffered (unless you count my reading of the restaurant reviews). Therefore, for about 5-10 minutes a day, while sat in my lovely glider with the gentle light streaming through the french windows, I am slowly going through old copies. So far, I've read a moving but deeply sad reflection on god and race by James Baldwin and a terribly depressing insight into the Oklahoma teachers' strike from a couple of years ago. So... terrific!
• Build my indoor herb garden. Herbs come in far too large quantities (and I never, despite my best intentions, freeze/dry/make frozen oil cubes from them) and in a lot of unnecessary plastic, so this is one thing that I'm aiming to do that will reduce consumption and environmental impact.
• Get to know my bioregion. In How to Do Nothing, Jenny Odell recommends (I believe - please bear in mind I'm reading this at 3am while bleary-eyed from just waking up to feed the bairn, so I'm not confident in my absorption of her argument) that one can disengage from the attention economy by engaging with the bioregion in which you live. What plants, birds, water sources, microclimates are you surrounded by and living in? I'm planning to learn about one aspect of local nature once a week to build up my mental database and learn to pay attention to how they (and I) interact. More to come...
• Classical music. Thanks to Year of Wonder (an absolute delight) and Classical Fix (same), Clemency Burton-Hill has had quite the impact on our lives. Through her work, I'm slowly learning about what classical music I do and don't like and starting to feel a little more confident in expressing and pursuing those tastes. 
• House projects. I'm not planning anything that large scale, but there are a few things I like to do that make me feel like an absolute boss for having done but the benefits of which aren't necessarily enjoyed every day. Taking an inventory of our kitchen equipment to work out what to replace/donate; clearing out and cleaning the freezer and fridge; sorting out our books (I did the reorganization but now we need to do a Marie Kondo to create a little space and be honest about what we want to read / keep on our shelves); clearing out my wardrobe so I can think a little more clear-headedly about how I want to dress now that maternity clothes are never, ever, ever going to be necessary again. 

So, that's it. Not too much, but enough to make me feel I am happy with my time and did some things for me as well as raising a small person.

* Having read this book on low wage work with a discussion of the history of emphasis on productivity and currently reading How to Do Nothing, I'm working through ideas of what makes me feel good and useful but how to separate that from the need to be engaged and doing something for the sake of it, without really thinking about it.

%% ARGH I JUST FUCKING LOST THIS WHOLE POST AND I AM PISSSSSSEEEEEEDDDDD OFF.