Waging War

For the past few weeks, I've been engaged in a battle of wills. A long, drawn-out battle with small skirmishes here and there. My opponent makes a move; I regroup, plan my revenge and try to set conditions so that she can make no further progress toward victory.

Of course, this is a little more pathetic when I reveal that the opponent in this bloody war of minds, this brutal engagement, is my bloody cat. And yet. A few weeks ago, she knocked a glass of water all over my laptop. Not TOH's laptop, which was the other side of the glass of water, but mine. I fixed it, with a massive repair bill, lessons learnt: no more glasses of water left where she can wreak havoc, and back up regularly. A couple of weeks later, and it turns out that the vomit on my beautiful, beautiful rug (it REALLY ties the room together) was not the only place she'd visited: my laptop was once more the victim of her vicious ways. This morning, the rug was attacked once more.

Now, you may think I'm being paranoid but, other than my darling cats and my lovely TOH, that rug and this laptop are probably my favourite things in this apartment. Is Clem threatened by the love I lavish on these two inanimate objects? It's hard to believe a creature this cute and sweet-looking could be so vengeful. And yet...



Of course, it's not hard to see that I am, perhaps, a little influenced by this, which is genuinely my favourite Onion article ever.

Or, coming clean, maybe she's taking her revenge for this.

What has Derek ever done for you?

I go on about how great my neighbours are, but I don't actually know many of them outside my stairwell. Which is why I don't know who this "Derek" guy is, but when I find out, I may have to have a word about his lothario ways and effects on women. Because for the last two nights, we've been woken up in the middle of the night by a woman coming to scream "Derek... you got your ho up there? You got her there?" Last night she did it on three separate occasions.

That must be some loving from Derek. Or Mookey, if Mark's right about what she's yelling.

Unfortunately, I'm not interested in that. I'd just like an uninterrupted night's sleep.